In Search of the Paradise

I got my fire from my mother. The fire of not giving up. The fire to flight and keep going. I got her stubbornness. Even when everyone in my family including my mother told me I was wrong i stood Strong for what i wanted. Even when i was in so much distress i still fought to get ahead in my career and stand on my own feet. To be independent. Even when everyone tried to control me and make decisions for me i stood strong and fought. I married the guy i loved. But i never depended on him even when i could have stayed comfortable in his care. I studied even while carrying my baby and reached a stage where i can earn for myself and my kid. I fought with my whole family and the medical system to give birth to my baby the way i wanted to keep my bodily autonomy and birth with power and respect. I fought to rise my child the way me and my lover wanted to rise her. Even when i lost all support i stayed strong. I even worked through our relationship so i can love freely and be my authentic self...

I ended a relationship that lasted exactly one month. I don't regret having it. It was beautiful. I was in love. I don't think I will ever stop loving him. There were so many beautiful parts to it and I will always remember it with lots of fondness. But right now I also need to remind myself why I had to break it off. So here goes the hurtful stuff.  First of all it was really tough for me to understand when he tried to explain anything related to how he felt. He used to leave things out when we made plans. He assumed things without asking or discussing with me. There were a lot of clarity issues. I couldn't understand his cues or hints. When I told him I can't understand them he didn't take it seriously and try to explain anything. He just decided I was being selfish and self centered, while I was just trying to protect myself. Also I had told him I can barely get his jokes and sarcasms yet he kept using it. That made me feel dumb n hurt but I didn't feel secur...