In Search of the Paradise

I am tree witch. It actually literally hurts me when trees are cut down. It pains my heart. I weep and morn the death of each tree that has existed around me. My eyes fill up. Every time I realise a tree in my environment has been cut down it triggers the memory of all the tree deaths I have morned in my lifetime. Doesn't that make me a tree witch. 

I got my fire from my mother. The fire of not giving up. The fire to flight and keep going. I got her stubbornness. Even when everyone in my family including my mother told me I was wrong i stood Strong for what i wanted. Even when i was in so much distress i still fought to get ahead in my career and stand on my own feet. To be independent. Even when everyone tried to control me and make decisions for me i stood strong and fought. I married the guy i loved. But i never depended on him even when i could have stayed comfortable in his care. I studied even while carrying my baby and reached a stage where i can earn for myself and my kid. I fought with my whole family and the medical system to give birth to my baby the way i wanted to keep my bodily autonomy and birth with power and respect. I fought to rise my child the way me and my lover wanted to rise her. Even when i lost all support i stayed strong. I even worked through our relationship so i can love freely and be my authentic self...

I ended a relationship that lasted exactly one month. I don't regret having it. It was beautiful. I was in love. I don't think I will ever stop loving him. There were so many beautiful parts to it and I will always remember it with lots of fondness. But right now I also need to remind myself why I had to break it off. So here goes the hurtful stuff.  First of all it was really tough for me to understand when he tried to explain anything related to how he felt. He used to leave things out when we made plans. He assumed things without asking or discussing with me. There were a lot of clarity issues. I couldn't understand his cues or hints. When I told him I can't understand them he didn't take it seriously and try to explain anything. He just decided I was being selfish and self centered, while I was just trying to protect myself. Also I had told him I can barely get his jokes and sarcasms yet he kept using it. That made me feel dumb n hurt but I didn't feel secur...

 Being in a relationship for seven and half years and married for five years I still dream about falling in love all over again. Whenever I watch people falling in love in movies, I wish to experience those movements again in my life. Is one love enough? Is being with one person really enough. Once you find one right person for you, is that it? Are you never allowed to experience falling in love ever again in your life as long as you are with that person? Aren't we capable of loving more than one person at a time. Is it allowed to to keep looking for a second right person while you are already with someone. Or does it mean that wishing to look for someone else means you don't love the first person anymore? I don't think so. I love my partner and he is perfect for me. There is nothing really lacking in this relationship. It is as beautiful as it can be. Yet I wish for new connections. I have seen research that says humans are not really monogamous. We do make pair bonds but ...